Reading sample:
Preface
A daily I heard the fact that a compatriot
would be situated seriously ill with small chance of survival in the hospital and decided
to visit him once.
When I went a few days later to
him, already the first view made me very thoughtful. His skin discoloration spoke already
for his bad physical status. His black eyes, which looked into a still deeper darkness,
sometimes aimlessly looked outside and could not hide a mysterious internal pain.
He did not ask anything special,
and on my questions, which were usual during spontaneous becoming acquainted with, he did
not want to accept also. Beautiful weather, large hospital, green country and similar
things, which he answered with a view from the window and showed to me that he did not
want to commentate my questions.
I wanted gladly to experience more
about him, had however to accept that it was still too much required of him for the first
day. It lasted more than one week, in which I visited him daily, until he gave me slowly
his confidence and his friendship and sometimes told somewhat more of his shaking past.
He sat on his patient bed and
looked out of the window over the width of the horizon. One could win the impression that
he would from the fourth floor of the hospital in the orange-speckled, slowly floating
clouds of the sky see his history with all details again and really feel his whole pain
again. Yes, it was, when he looked briefly to me, it seemed to me in such a way,
sometimes, as if he wanted to hide his tears with the view from the window from me. On the
next day he should be operated. I had read out to him the forms for the intervention and
explained him the risks and thought, he was perhaps so jerky thereby. That was the reason
for the fact that I stroked with my hand over his back and said, in order to calm him
down: „Come set you a little bit to me. I am sure, tomorrow after the operation
you will also have a better opinion of the life surely."
He turned his head slowly to me. As
if he wanted to read my thoughts, he looked me deeply into the eyes and asked smiling:
„Do you really believe that the fear of the operation could make me nervous? I
thought, you know that I did not have a fear of dying anymore. I know death already too
well. The first time, when I felt it more near, was it like that, as you present it to
you, but later I felt him always beside me and could simply not be afraid any longer.
Sometimes I embraced it voluntarily, in hope, he could free me from the pain. But as you
see, it came differently, than I thought. I am sure, the tomorrow's result will be still
the same again."
He was right. On the next day at
the same time I visited him again. With my whole unrest and fear, which his physician had
left with his explanations in me, I entered his sick-room, but his tired eyes, which were
framed by a gentle smile, calmed me immediately down again. He ahd been stronger than
death again.
On his bedsidetable
stands a glass with a yellow liquid and a shapeless piece meat was in it, which one, if
one did not know anything from its history, would never have regarded as a human kidney.
I will never forget the day, on
which I asked him: „Do you really
believe that there is a God?" His response touched me deeply. His cigarette, which he
wanted to lead even to the mouth, rested, he looked to me and answered: „Oh, more
than only believe. I feel him. I saw multiple in my life that he was there, when I needed
him."
I asked him: „But why so cruelly? Why does he kill?"
As if my question made him nervous,
he expressed his cigarette in the ashtray and went to the window. He looked to the sky up
and answered: „No, my God does not kill anybody. He calls and embraces you, if your
body is too weak and incorrect, in order to hold your large spirit. Killing, all the same
where and when, is always a piece naked Wildnis, which carries our unripe civilization
like an illness in itself. The modern society maintains its patients up to their safe
healing and does not kill them."
The nurse came in smiling, without
disturbing our discussion, put a small glass bowl with two
tablets on the bedsidetable and went then again.
Kia, which had observed the whole
time coming and going of his beautiful nurse, pointed with
his hand to the door and said quietly: „Here are civilized humans, but outside?...
Well, yes... So long as the law is ill, somethimg is missing."
Meanwhile I knowed him and his
feelings very well. He was a willing to negotiate person, who could fast win friends with
his radiant emittance in each society. All his friends knew that almost nothing at all
could spoil his good mood, except if he heard again from the helplessness on any mark of
this world. Particularly it shook him, when he experienced that a human get executed in
the name of the law again.
Two years long I brought his
history piece for piece, without his knowledge, to paper and knew even also that humans in
his situation could not bring his bad feelings and the helplessness in moments like his
banknote execution to the printout.
On Frankfurt airport in the last
seconds, in which he wanted to say good-bye to me, he said: „Now you can, if you
want, publish your writing, but I think, it would be good, if you would also write in a
corner that I am not furious on anybody." Then he wanted to go, turned again and
meant: „Just something, I forgives my coincidental murderers also."
Yes, who knows? It had become clear
to me long time before that he had not learned to hate.
It does not concern that this book
tells of a certain country or whether this history shows a real occurence. Thousands
painful experiences, which have never a chance, give to be told, because they were once
and for all buried with the suffering.
Or the glaring inhumanity, which is
accepted without any criticism and without chance for improvements as daily monotony. As
for example violations of the black right, child right, woman right, prisoner right...
and... and...
All these rights are required by
humans, although mankind did not understand generally yet that torture and death penalty
would have to belong to the exclusive past, one past, in which the long-term accommodation
of prisoner was not yet possible and death despite its disgust, represented best, final
removal possibility.
But what is now? Allegedly two
thousand years later there are still torture chambers, gas rooms, electrical chairs and
classical execution instruments, which are available daily for the application. To be
silent completely of the many road terrorists and legal hangman, who execute their cruelty
as highly-paid job. No, it concerns to look the missing section up for human perfection as
human coronation in the whole world. It goes around the fact that love, compassion and
sympathy for each other are missing. And therefore that the modern laws are likewise
imperfect, as long as they permit the human agonies up to death in some situations.
Nader Azin
Teheran, 25. April 1980
The Iranian press brought
manipulated reports over the crash of two American airplanes in Tabas under the people.
The responsible persons nevertheless actually stated the fact that a fireball had come
from the sky and destroyed the airplanes. Now they talked about the victory. My thoughts
deviated, so that I did not assume a part of the messages any longer.
Amusing thoughts went to me through
the head. The more I thought over it, the more improbably this report appeared to me.
On the roads they honked in the
cars, celebrated thereby their alleged victory. I became slowly nervous. The radio running
over me get on my nerves, I accessed over my head, groped with the fingers, until I had
finally switched it off. I rose, went to the easily opened window and saw the lights of
the driving past car. Yes, they really believed that America could not make anything....
I was to a few seconds surprised
with a hand at the window handle. I could not seize this credulous.
A few religious Fanatic
demonstrated loudly on the road.
„Dead America!" they
called. I thought, this political movement, which consisted of 75% illiterate and fanatic,
would be firmly to its conviction. Into my thoughts shots burst! My heart pounded!
Condemns, who was that?
It were Pasdaran (revolution guard,
religious soldiers). I was glad that the window was not completely open, otherwise I could
have fallen out. I closed the window, went to the wash basin and wanted to wash my hands
and my face, but before I could untwist the tap, the telephone rang.
It was Schahnaz!
Approximate for three years she was
my girlfriend. Despite this long friendship of daily seeing and the certainty that we fit
together, I did not want to marry her. The reason for it was unclear to me.
Each time, when she heard my
objections, she had tears in the eyes. If my mother saw that, she took to Schahnaz into
the lever and grumbled with me: „Did you annoyed my daughter already again?"
She was right, all relatives knew
and liked Schahnaz and expected our wedding. Each time, when someone asked, why I did not
marry her, I gave to the response that I was first of all with 25 years not yet ripe for
the marriage and secondly the revolution took place only before a few months and still
humans were even shot because of small offenses.
How should I protect Schahnaz, if I
could not guarantee no more for my own life?
A daily Schahnaz said to me:
„Look out from the window. All humans on the road move. In this town with millions of
inhabitants daily few from them die. Shall all the others stand still because of this?
Aren't they to go to therefore no more on the road, because they could be shot? Shall they
really stop to move and think instead about their death? See, so long as they live, they
move. A lucky partnership would give hope.
Few times I thought, if the
Pasdaran pulls again by the roads, in order to find humans, who do something
„Injustice ", - e.g. unmarried couples (like us), who are first flogged and
forced then to the marriage - if they control us, I would screem: I am not his wife!
Gladly I could be struck for the certainty that we would have to marry then. Everything
that could prevent me to screem would be that they would strike you too and I do not want
to cause pain to you."
She was right, each time, when we
wanted to undertake something, I had the marriage certificate and falsified driving
licences of my sister and her man in the bag, in order to be able to prove at any time
that Schahnaz and I were married.
Now was Schahnaz at the telephone.
She said: „Hello, how are you favourite? „I answered: „Thank, well, "
before I further-talk could, asked it already: „Are you the messages belongs?"
„Yes." „I was even with the taxi on the way to the work, when I heard, what
with the American airplanes occurred. Are you now still against the religious
revolution?" I answered it: „Are you believe this report?" „Want you
state, it is lied everything?" „Yes, I is safe, America covered to ensure itself
that our government remains nevertheless in such a way. Before Khomeini came to Persia,
the population was still many more fanatischer as today. Even as it, Khomeini was called
with full moon on the moon to see to be praying, did not give it to one, this play had not
observed and also none, which had not stated Khomeini to have seen.
Now they are more objective a
little. One must supply with to them today at least a few proofs. The American airplanes
e.g., them are for our population proof enough for Khomeinis goettliche origin. Which will
win America thereby, is us unclearly, only it knows it." Hereby terminated I mean
assertion. Schahnaz was thoughtful and said after a short break only: „Yes, you will
have a reason for what you say. If it like that is, the government is right, if it says
that America is the large devil." I answered: „No, that is not correct also.
That is an attempt. America is an alive country with a short history and raises now the
requirement the world to govern. If we are so stupid to make from normal humans a God that
is not of Americas debt. It is not coincidence that this disaster beside a highway
occurred
The commanders from the American
airplane are come around all US message members, who were brought during the revolution
into Iranian prisons to release. There won't they be afraid of a bus with Iranian tourists
nevertheless?
Additionally they left many
documents and two intact helicopters. Beyond that they could have carried the corpses
forward of their comrades, because the American government, different than ours, is
responsible for everyone of their citizens. Do you understand, my girl now, history are as
simple?" Until here she had calmly listened. Now she said: „Yes, there you are
right, why do not have I that imagined? I am just as Credulous as all."
„No, not all. Many have this
history check up, but if they do not go through, they are struck and to everyone say to
them „Amerikan ", before it to have them fear. They do not want to be
noticeable." She said: „I believes, you is very nervous. If you liked, I take
myself free and come to you." „It goes to me determines much better, if you
come, but beforehand could you for me something complete." Pleased over my response
she said: " I am your slave, instruct to me, which heading I am to bring you."
I answered: „This time if you
do not need to bring a heading, let only the bodies, from which you cut the last headings
for me, bury. It is enough, if you me today a flugticket after Maschhad and back reserve
lets, in the travel agency under your company." Surprised she asked: „Near this
disorder, who wants to fly there to Maschhad?" „I." Joke detention meant
it: you want „Certain then also after Tabas?" „Yes, if it folds, why
not?"
„ You see, you dreams
sometimes. So easily, as the problems could be checked up, one cannot go to the airplanes.
Didn't you consider that? Favourite, if a bird wanted to even fly there, it braeuchte a
visa."
„Schahnaz! If someone listens
to you, he could do mine, you was even there." „Please, let this moved thoughts
fall. All, which want there, make themselves suspicious."
I answered: „Where from you
want to know, you were nevertheless not there and even if it like that were, innocent ones
can it probably punish."
„It was only one request, if
you do not want to leave it, then must we not further about it talk, Good by!"
She wanted to speak further, but I
presented and threw myself backwards on the bed. The telephone rang again few times, then
it grew silent again.
After some time, I was situated
still sunk into my thoughts on the bed, rang it again.
Schahnaz was it, with friendly
voice divides it me with: „Mr commissioner, for the next two weeks are written off
all flights after Maschhad." Speechless I prevailed on it: not there „That
cannot be true, you was really there?" „Bei God, I was. If you do not believe
it, you can call and inquire the travel agencies nevertheless!" „But I must
after Maschhad. Perhaps it is to be driven better directly to the airport."
With flehender voice Schahnaz said:
to „I please you, do not go, I have a bad feeling. Mean do you, it modify something,
it become better, if you go there? You bring yourself only in danger, that are everything.
Let us rather a little travel, I take vacation, if you want."
„No, now is not the correct
time for vacation. I must to the airport."
It thought, I would present and called:
„Hello....hello!" „What now?" I asked. Schahnaz said: „When like
that is,
Now
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